Murderous desires of a company worker

I don't talk much here about where I work. Actually, that's because I have another blog entirely for it (able & tireless). However, this post didn't seem as if it belonged there.
The truth is that working here is making me want to kill. In a few weeks, you'll be reading the report in the paper:

Dissatisfied Worker Kills 12 In Hostage Drama

by Randy Pan in Borough, SE1

It all started at 10.35am, when a worker here at Cable & Wireless's offices in Borough entered the building with a fully-automatic M16 assault rifle. Walking in through the front door, he mercilessly shot the 2 front desk security staff. Bystanders heard him cry "You inept jobsworth wankers - ask for my security pass now you cunt. Go on, ask! ASK YOU FUCK" before unleashing a 10 round burst across the desk and into the security officers, who have not yet been named.

He then proceeded to use the lift to travel up 2 flights of stairs to the project management department, where much of the massacre took place. Survivor M Smith tells the tale of what he saw:

"It was just unbelievable - I couldn't accept it was happening. This guy walked in and started pointing this gun around. He was screaming and crying about project plans and issue logs and SORs and TSRs [types of documents used at Cable & Wireless] and just firing indiscriminately. Most people didn't have time to move - I saw one guy get killed right in front of me - he just collapsed on top of his project plan, bleeding all over the 'Review Issue And Risk Log' weekly repeating task. I was just so lucky to survive"

Worse was to come for two project managers who the individual rounded up and dragged down another staircase two floors to where his desk was situated. The two were later shot dead, although may have been kneecapped prior to death. Police studying the incident have questioned why the killer went up two floors before going down another two floors to his office, although we have learnt that due to security banning people from using other doors, this was in fact the only way that people could reach this particular office.

What is currently unsure is who else was among the murderer's victims. At this time, several people are missing, and it is rumored that some may even have been members of the Cable & Wireless inner circle, mentioned in hushed tones as the "SMT". We believe this stands for Senior Management Team, although at least one employee has suggested it may stand for "Stupid Mongrel Turds".

One thing we are clear on is the fate of the gunman - having carried out his slaughter he re-traced his footsteps up the stairs, and up another (third) flight of stairs onto the roof. Here, balanced on the edge of the building, observers heard him shout "Where are your IT Request Finance Forms now BITCH. Hopefully, you will enjoy the sensation of being shot in the head" before firing three times. The first two shots are believed to have hit and killed Bill Richards, a senior manager usually based in Bracknell. The final shot was aimed at himself. He died here at 12.03pm, less than an hour and a half after entering the building

The question now being asked is how can a supposedly forward-thinking, progressive, large company so twist and antagonize its employees that they feel they have no option but to go on homicidal rampages. Painful months ahead for the telecomms giant.

...

One can but dream ...

- posted by Adam @ 9:25 pm