Way Out Where
Sunday, July 25, 2004
 

My Birthday


Well, I drank, and then I drank some more, and then I drank a little more


Pictures of the early stages of the event can be found here at Dawn's blog (who, poor thing, was sober all night due to illness). This was the quiet part of the night.


Anyway, later, we went to a Mexican bar somewhere. I drank an unknown quantity of Tequila, and also an unknown amount of Deperados (beer with Tequila in them). I think they were pushing the tequila connotations of Mexico.


We left there whereupon we went to The Garage. Well, almost everyone else did. I was refused entry due to my lack of sobriety. It turns out that staying to argue my point was not sensible, and in fact resulted in being forcibly removed from the premises by two overly-large bouncers. I have never been literally ejected into the road before, but in a strange way it was quite fun. Not sure if I'm welcome back


And if that wasn't enough, I then decided to drown my sorrows in an unknown watering hole somewhere in the Hoxton area (it does have a name, I just don't know what it is). Then more tequila (it had just become habit by this point) and possibly more beer and then ... well, no-one really knows. I believe I may have left the bar to go home, but decided to rest on the way. Next thing you know its getting light, I've lost my mobile phone and have no real idea where I am.


I got in around 5.30, had a few hours sleep and then had to get up to spend the next 2 hours in the bathroom vomiting everywhere.


Kudos to Tom, for drinking hilarious cocktails and being friendly; Graz and Mazz, for trying to argue the bouncers into allowing me into the Garage anyway; Rik, for the comedy line of "I am being escorted down the road by two lovely young ladies" (even if it was Dawn and Anna) and of course, kudos to Dawn for somehow surviving as long as she did, even without drinking. That is the sort of power I just don't have.


- posted by Adam @ 9:14 pm
Thursday, July 15, 2004
 

Reality TV - What We Can Learn


Ok, so the other night, I had a bit of a reality TV evening. It was bad. I didn't mean to, it just sort of happened. Anyway, here is what I gleamed from these programs:



  1. Wife Swap - If you are nice to your children, and pay them attention, rather than just stick them in front of the TV, they'll be nice back and not be complete brats. Its a shame that the woman here didn't seem to learn that. Or, for that matter, learn anything. A real moron.

  2. Big Brother - There are guys, and I am NOT one of them, if when they are arguing with a woman, and the woman removes her top, gets her tits out and gets changed in front of them, DON'T STOP ARGUING TO OOGLE. That is just weird. Getting breasts out is surely the easiest way to stop any arguement in the world. This guy didn't think so. There she was (I forget her name - Michelle??), stripped to the waist, with her quite ample heaving bosom out to the world, and this MORON just kept screaming at her. Surely at least you should acknowledge them? You know, just an off-the-cuff "nice tits" would be nice. Not this guy. He sucked.

  3. Average Joe - In which a very attractive girl says "I care more about personality than looks" so the TV producers set her up with 16 geeks, losers and fat ugly geeky losers. Now this was funny, just to watch her spirits break as the 16 got off the bus to greet her. Also, one of them did say "You have to treat women like you treat snowflakes", and then went on about them melting. I've never seen a woman melt (except for the Wicked Witch of the West of course), so I couldn't really empathise with this guy. I liked the guy who said "I haven't been this nervous since trying to climb a rope in gym class" a little bit more. Mainly because climbing a rope is so fucking hard. I'm not entirely sure what I learnt from this show, except, I guess, be careful what you say to reality TV producers, particularly if it is blatently untrue. She really should have said "I'm a dancer and cheerleader - I will take muscles and a beautiful face over personality every time", and saved herself all this trouble.


- posted by Adam @ 2:13 pm
Monday, July 12, 2004
 

Murderous desires of a company worker


I don't talk much here about where I work. Actually, that's because I have another blog entirely for it (able & tireless). However, this post didn't seem as if it belonged there.
The truth is that working here is making me want to kill. In a few weeks, you'll be reading the report in the paper:

Dissatisfied Worker Kills 12 In Hostage Drama


by Randy Pan in Borough, SE1


It all started at 10.35am, when a worker here at Cable & Wireless's offices in Borough entered the building with a fully-automatic M16 assault rifle. Walking in through the front door, he mercilessly shot the 2 front desk security staff. Bystanders heard him cry "You inept jobsworth wankers - ask for my security pass now you cunt. Go on, ask! ASK YOU FUCK" before unleashing a 10 round burst across the desk and into the security officers, who have not yet been named.


He then proceeded to use the lift to travel up 2 flights of stairs to the project management department, where much of the massacre took place. Survivor M Smith tells the tale of what he saw:


"It was just unbelievable - I couldn't accept it was happening. This guy walked in and started pointing this gun around. He was screaming and crying about project plans and issue logs and SORs and TSRs [types of documents used at Cable & Wireless] and just firing indiscriminately. Most people didn't have time to move - I saw one guy get killed right in front of me - he just collapsed on top of his project plan, bleeding all over the 'Review Issue And Risk Log' weekly repeating task. I was just so lucky to survive"


Worse was to come for two project managers who the individual rounded up and dragged down another staircase two floors to where his desk was situated. The two were later shot dead, although may have been kneecapped prior to death. Police studying the incident have questioned why the killer went up two floors before going down another two floors to his office, although we have learnt that due to security banning people from using other doors, this was in fact the only way that people could reach this particular office.


What is currently unsure is who else was among the murderer's victims. At this time, several people are missing, and it is rumored that some may even have been members of the Cable & Wireless inner circle, mentioned in hushed tones as the "SMT". We believe this stands for Senior Management Team, although at least one employee has suggested it may stand for "Stupid Mongrel Turds".


One thing we are clear on is the fate of the gunman - having carried out his slaughter he re-traced his footsteps up the stairs, and up another (third) flight of stairs onto the roof. Here, balanced on the edge of the building, observers heard him shout "Where are your IT Request Finance Forms now BITCH. Hopefully, you will enjoy the sensation of being shot in the head" before firing three times. The first two shots are believed to have hit and killed Bill Richards, a senior manager usually based in Bracknell. The final shot was aimed at himself. He died here at 12.03pm, less than an hour and a half after entering the building


The question now being asked is how can a supposedly forward-thinking, progressive, large company so twist and antagonize its employees that they feel they have no option but to go on homicidal rampages. Painful months ahead for the telecomms giant.


...

One can but dream ...


- posted by Adam @ 9:25 pm
Sunday, July 11, 2004
 

2004 - Roundabout the half way mark


Well, we're over half way, just, but time for a quick list of things I've learnt so far this year. I guess the question as ever becomes "You needed to learn these things in the first place Adam?". Without further ado:

So that's where we're at kids. Revelation after revelation. Who knows what sort of zen-master-guru-of-wisdom I will have become by 2005.
- posted by Adam @ 3:20 pm

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